Having crushes

Pothead never had this feeling before while watching Dil Chahta Hai. It was half past three. What would the time be at BB’s place? Ok…some hours back. He should be pretty much awake now. She let the phone ring once and cut the call. Some 10 minutes passed while she waited for the call to come. The new cat was meowing in the corridor. She had to go to the washroom. What if…..but 15 minutes passed. Noh! It wasn’t going to come now. She looked out for the cat and rushed quickly across the corridor. It wasn’t those days anymore. People had work, get that into your head duffer. It was five minutes to 4 when she could not resist giving another ring. Immediately there was a returned missed call. For no good reason she sat up on her bed laughing, holding the phone. A couple of minutes later the call came.

Two months later, the first thing she said was “Exactly why have all stories got to revolve around guys?”

The sleepy voice on the other side sounded confused, Hello…this is?

ME! Screamed Ph into the phone, Me, Me, Me. She obviously was her grandmother’s grandchild. The granny in question always picked up the landline and said “Ami bolchiiii” with full confidence expecting the other person to obviously get her voice. That never failed to annoy Ph back then.

How comes you have lost my number again? You’ve already taken it from me some 30 times.

BB broke an yawn midway and hastily said, I I…its there. I don’t know why only the number came up now….I was wondering who’s calling at half past four from India….I well…

Its five minutes to four, what sort of a clock do you keep? And whatever, I was watching Dil Chahta Hai.

Uh…ok…um…nice film.

Why has everything got to revolve around you guys? Its your lives, your friends, your jobs, your holidays….with girls thrown in between as fillers…

Naturally, we lead more interesting lives.

Like what?

You are sounding feminist, you know that, right?

So, anything that questions this patriarchal model has to be feminist? Fine, feminist, granted. But this isn’t fair. You get to have all the fun.

Dekh, men create history. They dream. They have visions of transforming this world.

They are certainly doing a great job for the last few thousand years, I can see that.

Stop talking like a girl. You guys never create anything worthwhile and then blame it on men for having all the fun and being the authors. Which woman has written another Man and Superman?

Now man and Superman was Ph’s pet favourite.  And no one reminded her more of John Tanner than Blackboots. She hated Anne, btw, and never figured out why all of Shaw’s heroines (minus Eliza) were the sly hateful lying plotting flirting type. BB had found Anne eminently attractive, as men will, of course, even when you could glaringly see how she led poor Octavius on and dumped him unceremoniously, and lied left and right to keep up her damsel in distress appearance. And then one day BB found the Anne. Through all his gushing of this perfection in feminine form, she listened with a bored face and kept asking herself why perfectly sane (well. Not quite in this case) and terrifically intelligent guys fell for this kind of trope. He even got it into his head that her beauty parlour visits were an expression of her independence and personality. He alternately grew jealous and awestruck at the ease with which she juggled ex, present and future admirers. He developed a newfound admiration and respect for her lack of propriety and in-your-face vulgarity of speech. And then he went hibiscus hunting with her, of which to make a paste for her hair. All of this had the side effect of a profusion of written matter which kept piling up in Ph’s mail. Plodding through a steady stream of undivided faith directed at her highness, Ph banged her head on the creamy wall one day. Hey Ram, now he finds she has blue eyes! Like, seriously?

Dekh BB, I think there’s just too many people I am falling in love with.

Oreeee! That Happens. Good, good….

BB is never surprised at anything. Especially thought related. You’d think he has already thought up everything there is to think.

You don’t get it. Its not like I really love them. I’m not feeling any selfless sacrificial kind of love for anybody. Its rather self centered really. I’m getting the flutter in the stomach about too many people. That can’t be happening. I mean I know I’ll never be able to live with almost any of them, and I’m not even sure if I’d like to make out with most of them,…

Eijonnei tor kichu hobe na re. You actually tried to think of domestic scenarios with each one? And like tick them off?

You don’t do that?

NO!